Warning-Check Engine

As many of you may know I am the father of 3 wonderful children.  Last night Anne, my oldest daughter, came home from her part time job and announced "there is a little red light that looks like a car engine that has lit up on 'Ducky's' dashboard." 

First let me explain that "Ducky" is the name of the car she drives.  Anne believes everything should have a name.  At our house we have "Charlie" the phone charger, "George" the weatherman on our thermometer plus many other named items. It means you might hear things like I need to use Charlie or George says it is 105.  Outsiders might think we have about 15 people living at our house or think we have a staff of help.  We don't.  We just have a very fun set of children.

Back to the warning light.

I was very impressed that my daughter was showing the responsibility of noticing the warning lights and recognizing that something needs to be done about it.  I know plenty of people that are experiencing major car repairs and have told me things like, "that light has been on for a while and I wasn't sure what it meant" or "they figured it was nothing major." 

Whoops, time to get out the wallet.

I have found that when the lights first come on  it usually isn't clear what exactly the problem is and usually it isn't a major issue.  At least at the moment that warning light came on.  But if the warning light (sign) is ignored for too long things get serious/dangerous and sometimes things go past the point where the problem can be cheaply/easily fixed.

It made me reflect on warning (lights) signs that are part of our regular lives.  Not everything in life has a dashboard.  Often the warning signs come from the actions, words or emotions of others.  Very seldom does somebody say to you directly things like "you are hurting my feelings and I am planning to no longer be your friend."

By the time your wife says your aren't spending enough time at home you have missed plenty of warning signs.

My hope for Anne is that not only does she notice the signs on the dashboard of her cars but that she watches for the warning lights on the dashboard of life.

(The next step is for her to take care of her own warning lights but we will take one step at a time.)

Man Week-A Family Tradition

The past 5 days it has been ManWeek at the Chapin house.  Every year for the past few years the busy summer schedules at the Chapin house align so that my son, Mike, and I are the only people life at home. 

The dog is also male but I not sure that he is what I would consider a real man.  Not even in the canine sense but that is another blog. 

The circumstances that lead to ManWeek change from year to year. This year My Mom scheduled a trip to California with all her daughters and granddaughters.  I hope they enjoy the earthquakes, liberals, mudslides and organic food. 

During ManWeek the rules change at the Chapin house and allow for Mike and I just be man without worrying about the girls.  Bottom line.  We eat a lot of red meat, watch baseball and Mike goes shirtless (even during meals).

When he feels like making a noise.  He makes it.

The movie selection during ManWeek Pirates of the Caribbean, Real Steel and Man on a Ledge.  Blood, guts, no tears!!!

What we do changes from year to year.  For example when Mike was 11 we drove to Major League Baseball games around the Midwest and talked about the “facts of life” in the car.  I would guess Mike would tell you that was a low light on the ManWeek plan.

ManWeek is so tough that one year it resulted in a broken hand!  During a baseball game when Mike was 12 he broke his hand.

This year we had a party.  We invited all the men associated with Mike baseball over for a pool party.  A total of 27 men showed up, eat red meat and enjoyed life together.

ManWeek is a very important part of our lives.  Could be said that it is the most important week of the year.  But it runs deeper than red meat, no shirts and baseball. 

It is about being a real man.  And if you know me you know that outside of a personal relationship with God, being a man is the most important thing in life.  How I manage people at work, interact with people and coach baseball all center around the concept of manhood and what it should look like.

When Mike leaves home someday I want to make sure he is a man, a real man.

A real man takes care of himself.  He can wash his own clothes, cook his own food and organizes his own life.  Our house is just as clean as Sue and girls left it, the clothes are washed and we are well feed.  If we  needed something we took care of it.  Steak needs garlic beard.  Since we were out we invented our own.

I repeat a real man takes care of himself.  When he breaks his hand or his son breaks his hand he doesn’t freak out.  He doesn’t need mom to come home from Florida.  A real man deals with the situations that he is dealt.  If he is hurt it is ok to let others know but it isn’t ok to become a burden to others or to let it start a pity party. 

A real man sets his priorities correctly.  When your son breaks his hand you adjust your work schedule.  Trip to Denver is cancelled.  Family comes before work and everything else.

A real man can manage his own schedule and get himself ready.  Who packs your lunch for a baseball game?  Who makes sure the thing you need are washed and ready?  The real man does it himself.  If you have spent any amount of time with me you have heard me ask “is your mother coming over?” Then when I get an inquisitive look I follow up with “then maybe you should take care of this yourself.” 

A real man takes time for God.

A real man looks out for his own health.  Because Mike had baseball games (a seven hour event because of pregame warm-ups, drive and the game itself) or work every day Mike had to make sure he was getting food and sleep.

A real man goes to work.  Now that Mike has a job he continues to work regardless of the massive time spent on baseball and with friends.

Our conversations over the years both inside and outside of ManWeek have left it clear that a real men put other people first and treats everybody especially women with respect. The “facts of life” covered a lot more than the “birds and bees.”

A real man has other men in his life that he surrounds himself with men that lift him up rather than bring him down.  Mike and I often discuss whether or not a certain person brings out the best or worst in him.  Sue and I have made it clear to all our children that it is important that they are open and honest with other people and that their friends are the type of people that will hold them accountable.

A party with 27 guys drove that point home very clearly.  Two nights of harmless fun with friends that can be trusted also drives home that points. 

Obviously the girls are gone during ManWeek but I try to make sure the lessons are present year-round. 

Why?

Because if you want to get married to one of my daughters you better be a real man.  In fact if you want to get married to my daughter you might have a survive a few ManWeeks to earn the right to be considered.   That is why at the top of this blog I said it was the second most important thing in life.  Marriage and family should come first and they do.  But being a good husband and father are key elements to being a real man.  If not really a man you will won’t be able to be a good husband or father. 

Is ManWeek fun?  You bet.  It is great to be a real man and it needs to celebrated.

Are we happy to have the girls back?  You bet.

Tonight they return just in time for supper.  The menu.  Hamburgers!

Some parts of ManWeek are hard to give up. (Mike will put on a shirt and I’ll pause the Red Sox game until we are done eating.)

Great it is July and it is already Election Season.

2012 is an election year.  Depending on where you live you have already begun to experience an onslought of advertising for various candidates. Right now I am in Washington DC and if you turn on the TV you get to see a burodge out Senatoral and Presidental ads.  Experts tell us that the Presidental election will likely come down to how Virginians vote.  (Most Virginians get their TV coverage out of the DC market.) I realize it can be anoying to be apart of the politcal season but voting is an important part of being an American.  People have died to preserve that right, the least we can do is exercise the right to votes and encourage the people around us to do the same. ABC has set up a website that helps educate people on issues that invovle the construction industry.  The site also helps people get information on how to register to vote. I encourage you to encourage others to vote.  This website will help you just that. ABCvotes.com

Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song

When BJ Thomas sang his 70's "classic" about "somebody doing somebody wrong" he was singing about lost love.  I have that feeling of sadness but it isn't lost love but rather I feel that I wasn't made for these times.

I am not missing my baby but I am missing a culture that understands right from wrong.

We recently had a scandal within Willmar Electric. 

We found out through a tip that we had employees stealing from Willmar Electric.  The employees were doing several illegal things and were caught doing several illegal things.  One of those things was taking scrap metal/wire, bringing it to a salvage yard, selling it and keeping the money. 

It is a pretty simple case of stealing.  Very striaght forward.  Taking something that doesn't belong to you and keeping it for yourself is stealing.  The issue is addressed the Bible.  In fact the Old Testament list only 10 commandments.  If you steal you are breaking one of them.  Plain and simple.

It has happened to us in the past and we terminated the employees when we discovered the theft. 

This time the scandal caused us to investigate the actions of some past employees.  We found that several employees had stolen in other ways and other methods.  So we decided to confront the wrong doers (ring of thieves really).  A letter was sent to the people involved and we let them know if they thought they were being wrongly accused they could stop by and let us know.

Well, one of the letter recipients decided to come in and talk to us.

He came in and visited with my brother, Justin.  He asked what of Willmar Electric's we thought he had stolen.

Justin explained that we had records that showed that he had sold scrap wire that belonged to Willmar Electric and our customers but instead of turning in the proceeds to the project he had kept to for himself.

He then admitted that Justin was correct.  He said he had done just that.

You are likely thinking this is the point where the past employee admits his wrongdoing and/or offers an apology. 

He didn't.

He told Justin that he didn't think he had done anything wrong. Justin says he actually seemed upset with us!!!

As Justin relaid the story on to me I could help but lose a little faith in my fellow man.  Since the person is quite a bit younger than me I thought, "kids these days" and "what is the world coming to anyways." 

So to be fair it isn't a generational issue but a cultural issue.

I guess I should know better since stealing is as old as at least Moses, otherwise God wouldn't have included in the ten commandments.  Come to think of it Adam and Eve also took what wasn't theirs.

Shrimps, The Flying Dutchman, Charlie Brown and T-Dog

Yesterday was Father's day.  A Chapin family tradition when my Grandpa Chapin was still alive was to take him to a baseball game for Father's Day.  In the past 6 years Mike has always played at least 2 games on Father's day.  Usually in a tournament.  That means you have no idea when you are going to play so you spend your entire day at the baseball field.  What a treat.

Yesterday I got an extra special lesson on Father's Day.  (Plus my daughter made me pancakes.) 

I coach a local Junior Legion (17 and younger) baseball team.  The team is full of great young men. Going into yesterday the team was 2-6 and several people on the team were struggling with making the jump to the next level of baseball.  Yesterday we won 2 games.

In sports nicknames are commonplace.  Some of the players joined the team and brought nicknames with them for example Billy, T-Magic, T-Dog, and PattyWags among other names were already in place.  Others have been given nicknames like The Thing, The Flying Dutchman, Nickel and Charlie Brown.  Some (Logan, Brayden, and Phil still need a new tag.   Yesterday's lesson came from four people.  I could really use more examples in addition to the four that follow but I wanted to stick to players with nicknames as examples. (It is a thinly veiled player protection plan.)

Let's start with the All-Star, Shrimps.  he came into the day with a .267 batting average.  By his standards he was having a bad year, in baseball terms he was in a slump.  Yesterday he had 6 hits, 2 doubles and 9 RBIs, slump is over.  Hooray for Shrimps!  He isn't washed up at 17.  Nobody thought he was washed up but nice to see him back on track.

Next player batting ninth playing right field, The Flying Dutchman.  The Flying Dutchman had never had a hit in legion play.  In his first at bat he got what many would consider a "cheap" hit with a blooper over second base.  I didn’t consider it "cheap," I considered it exciting.  It was his first hit.  Makes up for the fact earlier in the season he hit one hard off the pitchers shin that resulted in an out.  But the Flying Dutchman wasn't done.  In his next two at bats he hit a hard ground ball up the middle (avoiding the pitchers shins) and a laser to centerfield.  Three htis.  Hooray for the Flying Dutchman.  Everybody is excited,  Make room on Cloud 9 here comes the Flying Dutchman.

The next player is Charlie Brown.  I will admit this nickname has had trouble sticking.  Charlie Brown had one hit coming into the game and overall he was struggling at the plate.  Yesterday the official scorekeeper gave him 3 hits.  He also reach base on two errors.  I am sure at the Brown house (some think that looking like Charlie Brown runs in the family) they are talking about Charlie's 5 hits and they have a very good case.  Not everything came up roses for Charlie, an error in the field and a large base running gaffe gave us some "coachable" moments.   Charlie admitted his mistakes and will learn from them.  Charlie now realizes he belongs at this level.  The coaches knew it all along.

What a feel good story. 

You are likely thinking hey Dave where is the lesson in all this. Keep reading.

T-Dog, is a good baseball player.  Maybe not at Shrimp’s see you in college level but certainly he belongs in this league. 

What is T-Dog doing while everybody is celebrating the success of Preston and Brayden getting their first hits of the season, while the Flying Dutchman and Charlie are having big days?  What is T-Dog doing while Billy and Nickel are having their best days of season?  The team won twice.  Everybody had a great day, right?  Everybody is smiling, correct?  Well...

We had a bad inning in the field and T-Dog's errors let to several runs for the other team.  When the inning was over T-Dog sat on the end of the bench looking at ground.  As the coach I got to walk over to one of my sons best friends and tell him I was pulling him from the game.  Clearly this isn't the kind of moment that leads a person to be a volunteer coach.  It was terrible.

I told T-Dog he was coming out and as he continue to stare at the ground and he acknowledged that he heard me.   Ouch. 

Let go talk to the Flying Dutchman he is on Cloud 9.

I give T-Dog a lot of credit he celebrated for his teammates and seemed happy for all their success.  But he had a tough day. 

But that isn't the lesson. In order to understand that lesson you need to know more about T-Dog.

I had always been told he was a great fielder by his former coaches but this season he struggled at times and I couldn't figure it out.  Why is everybody telling me how great a fielder he is?

Then last week at practice we only had the younger players at practice because the older players had a senior league (19 and under) game.  Shrimps, Billy, T-Magic and the other veterans were gone.  It was just T-Dog and the junior players he had been playing with year at our practice.  And T-Dog was on fire.  he caught everything.  It didn't matter how poorly the throws were t-Dog caught them and finally I saw what other had been telling me about T-Dog's fielding.

I found out first hand T-Dog is a good fielder.  He has all the skills.  He just needs to get used to his new teammates.  Between that practice and the games I told T-Dog exactly that.  I told him he needed to warm up with only the veteran teammates. 

Later during the game I walked back over to T-Dog and reminded him of what I saw at practice and told him I knew he could do it.

So what did I learn?  A couple of things really.

First, if you having a great day that doesn't mean everybody else is having the same great day.  Don't expect everybody to be doing cartwheels just because you are finding success.

Second, improvement is hard work.  Just because you have the tools needed, you understand the problem at hand and have an action plan in place it doesn't mean everything is going to be peaches and cream.  More often than not it takes time and perseverance.  

When the day was over the player I learned the most from and was the most impressed with was T-Dog.  It reminded me of an e-mail I got from a friend, Mark Powell, a week ago. 

"The most important reminder is why do we play this great game of baseball?    To look good and go 4-for-4.    How is God glorified in that?   I would submit going 0-for-4 knowing that you gave your best effort with the right heart and are willing to give Him the glory even when it is not the result we want is where He wants (us).     That is much harder thing achieve than getting 4 hits in a game!"           

The quote from Mark was sent to me before the practice where I saw T-Dog's talent.  Little did I know that Mark's advice was going to come into play so fast. 

Makes me wonder.  What advise did I get today that I will need to apply next week.  ( I guess I learned three things.)

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Sometimes it is the title that is the most fun to write.  This week The Clash win.  Otis Redding (Sittin on the Dock of the Bay), Styx (Come Sail away) and Christopher Cross (Sailing) lose out.

It was almost 8 years ago that my wife, Sue, and  I made the decision to move our family to Nebraska.  Anybody that knows us knows that it is a decision we have never regretted.  But making that tough decision and the subsequent move has taught me more about life then I ever would've realized.

At lunch today while talking my friend, Barry Lockard, about life I was reminded of one the "moving to Nebraska life lessons" I will never forget.

It comes from a comment made by my friend, Brad Rice.  Brad is a consultant and as a consultant he gets paid to be smart and give advice.  I have used Brad as an advisor on several occasions and paid him for those services but it was something he said as a friend (for free) that has stuck with me and made the greatest impact.

Brad has a twin brother, Bryan. Shortly before I moved to Nebraska Bryan had also moved away from Willmar because of a promotion at work.

So with that background let me get to the advice, finally. 

When I told Brad I was moving to Nebraska he said he "felt sorry for himself."

I replied that I didn't know that my leaving should should leave him lonely and that he had plenty of friends and family still in Willmar.

Brad said "I know but what worries me is that I might be the last one left on the dock."

Wow.

I remember thinking, but for once not saying "he is right.  It would really stink to be the last guy left on the dock while everybody else is off pursuing their dreams."

Now neither Brad or I would suggest that people go off willy-nilly chasing every rainbow they set their eyes on.  The trouble is some people get stuck in ruts so deep they can't see out of them.

After sharing this quote during today's discussion about how we go about raising our children and how to release them into the great big world of adulthood Barry gave me further insight into why the dock analogy works so well. 

It is the difference between driving a car and sailing on the open waters.  Because as long as we stay on land we have signs and signals that tell us when to stop and go.  We can stop and ask for directions from anybody that is close to us at the time.  In Barry's words "when we you are sailing you have to learn how to handle the storms of life. You need to be able to know what to do when it is calm and no wind is present to move your sails."  You need to be able to know what direction to go in without a clear path.  On the open seas there is seldom anybody around to ask for directions.  You have to figure it out based on the tools and knowledge you at your disposal.  (There are very few cell towers out on the open seas.)

Brad isn't alone the dock and likely never will be.  He has plenty of people hanging out with him and because he is open to the idea of getting on a boat I know that he will get on a boat when the right one stops by. 

Frank Gomes got on a boat a few years before me.  My friends Bruce Kaihoi, Dave Ostercamp and Kenny King got on different boats that the Lord sent to pick them up and now are sailing in uncharted waters. My brother Justin got on a "boat" that took him from Texas and after about 15 months a different "boat" took him back to Minnesota.  (It is tough to sail from Minnesota to Texas and back!)  My friend Jay Tornquist has been an several boats over the years and now back where he started.  Bryan Rice has taken several boats since the one that caused such profound wisdom from his twin brother.  My Dad is sailing into retirement.  Steve Gradner, Misty Lauer, Beth Moore, Butch Mellom and Trista Selander, all have sailed into my life after leaving secure ports in other parts of the world.

Another lesson that came from that same line of thinking was lunch I had in Minnesota last fall.  The afore mentioned Frank Gomes, Jay Tornquist, Kenny King, Dave Ostercamp and I all met for lunch in the  Northern Suburbs of St. Paul last year.  I think it has been over 10 years since the 5 of us friends had been together but our friendships were still there.  We picked up right where we left off.  Each of us are on our journey but we didn't miss a beat.

What I am trying to get at? 

You can't always wait until you are 100% sure, life is an uncertain thing.  Pray about it.  If God seems to be giving you a nudge leave the dock and get on boat.  Don't be the last guy standing at the dock!!!

Then just because you left the dock doesn't mean you are deserting others.   They are still your friends.  Life doesn't allow you to go backwards.  You can either stand still or move forward.

(Maybe next week I will go into detail and tell you about my favorite sermon or my Dad can add a comment to this blog that says "If You Want to Walk on the Water You have to Get Out of  the Boat.")

Not that John Maxwell

I love to read books by John Maxwell.  At Willmar Electric we have done several group studies on John Maxwell's books.

Two weekends ago the Junior Legion baseball team I coach had a game here in Lincoln.  Prior to the game I went over to meet the umpires and introduce myself.  One of the umpires said his name was John Maxwell.

I said he had a famous name.

With a laugh he replied by pointing out "he wasn't that John Maxwell."

I said I was disappointed because "I was hoping to be inspired and motivated."

He just smiled and said he wasn't inspiring or motivating.  And we moved on to talking about how to execute a rundown and how the team he coached needed more practice.

Then the game got started and I forgot about John Maxwell.  Actually I started focusing on opportunities I missed and poor substitutions made by me.  John Maxwell did what every umpire wants do, he blended into the game and nobody noticed him. (Bad umpires tend to stand out.)

But in Legion baseball there is typically two games.  The junior team plays first, followed by the senior game.  I coach the juniors but not the seniors.  My son, Mike, plays for both.

On this fine Nebraska evening the senior team experienced a large number of injuries and by the 3rd inning they were in need of a new catcher.  Mike is new to catching and typically plays first base for the seniors but a this moment they called on him to catch. 

With a grand total of two innings behind the plate in his entire life Mike was playing catcher with a pitcher that threw the ball in the 70s and had a good curve ball.  And he did very well.  He looked like a real live catcher.  With me, the other coaches and parents giving as much support as we could from the dugout and stands.

On the ride home from the game Mike started talking about the umpire behind the plate.  He mentioned about a dozen things the umpire said to him during the game.  All of it was encouraging, none of it was what you would consider coaching.

The umpire didn't explain how to block a ball or throw to second.  He did shake Mike hand once when he made a good play.  Once after I hollered out "way to frame the pitch" the umpire told Mike the "old man don't know what he is talking about, it was a strike so I called it a strike."

Then it occurred to me that John Maxwell had gone from being the umpire in the field for the first game to behind the plate for the second game.  The same John Maxwell that had told "the old man" that he wasn't going to inspire or motivate anybody had in fact inspired and motivated the young catcher and help to give him the confidence that he could be a catcher.

The coaches had spent their spring trying to get that message to Mike.  John Maxwell got the message through in 2 hours.

Often in games like this umpires can take over the game and seem to almost want nobody to have any fun at all.  Often the parents and coaches are willing to join the umpire in going down that terrible path.  But in this case the umpire made the game fun for everybody involved.

Makes me wonder if I am doing the things it takes to make a difference in the lives of others through my day to day life.  I hope so.  I wish I knew how to thank John Maxwell.