Dave the Dog Hater

I hate my dog. It’s not a secret. My friends know it. My co-workers hear about it daily. My family knows it, in fact my daughter Anne is on the same page. I even announced it to a crowded room I had been invited to speak at in Washington, DC.

As a general rule I am a pretty loving guy. I tend to see a bright side to anything. Next time you see me test me out. Ask me about something negative and I will give you a positive spin.

So why do I hate my dog? It’s complex.

About 18 months ago we took our dog, Fenway, to get his teeth cleaned. He died. Never made it home. The vet put him to sleep so that she could clean his teeth and he ended up getting put to “sleep!” It was sad. I liked Fenway. He did what I told him to do. No meant No. If you know me very well you know the concept is key. It is Biblical. I try to live my life to that standard and expect it from others, including my dog.

So we got a new dog because I love my children and they wanted to get a new dog, well Anne didn’t but she lives in Minnesota 9 months out of the year.

The new dog, Tessie, is an Irish Terrier just like the old one. On the surface the only difference was supposed to be the gender. (If you want to know why we named herTessie you can either watch the movie “Fever Pitch” or listen to the Dropkick Murphy’s song “Tessie.”)


So why do I hate my dog?

When I hug my wife she barks at us.

When I take a nap she licks me in the face.

Leave something on the floor and she moves it to another part of the house.

If you aren’t playing with her she runs to find something, like a pair of pants from the closet and, brings it to us.

We have a bell on the door for the dog to ring when it needs to go out. With Fenway it worked great. I will admit he wanted to go out more often then I cared to let him out. Not with Tessie. Now when the bell rings and you go to the door you find her running away or standing with something in her mouth that belongs in somebody’s bedroom.

So cute.

The most recent incident involves her eating a razor blade! Yes a razor blade. (At the Chapin house we store our razors in places like the shower (girls) or drawers (boys). Typically dogs should stay out of those areas. No need to go in either place if you are an Irish Terrier.)

Believe it or not she nearly died from eating a razor. It cost us over $1,000 to save her life. The vet opened her up and found the blade half in and half out of her stomach.

I think you get the point. I hate my dog.

She is selfish. She wants to me to run my life around her. She wants more attention then she really deserves. I want her to listen to me and occasionally play with me when I am bored.

I can envision a world where this dog is useful but I want it on my terms. In that world the dog does exactly what I want and is there for me when I want her to be.

Sounds selfish doesn’t it? Maybe Tessie thinks I’m selfish. She’d be right.

At Willmar Electric one of our core values is “treating other the way they want to be treated.” Tessie and I should apply this to our relationship. It will be tricky because one of us is a dog and the one of us isn’t very interest investing time in the relationship.

So despite my hatred the dog is teaching me something. I told you I could find the positive in anything.

(I also hate the Yankees, the IBEW and cats; I will invest zero time in getting over those issues.)